


That Heart, Harsher in You

by vogue91



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Book: Eclipse, F/M, La Push, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 07:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13969983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “Stay who you are. Until you’re human, you’re also mine a little bit, Bella.”





	That Heart, Harsher in You

It had become a mania. Nothing more. His life was surrounded by that personal demon called Isabella Swan.

Jacob swore.

He remembered clearly the first time he had seen her (except when they were kids, of course). There, on the beach, in a world that didn’t seem to belong to her, with people that seemed to be with her only by accident.

She was _different_. And definitely beautiful.

Everything had changed, that day. He had, and she as well. And the boy couldn’t bear that what was keeping him apart from her was his natural enemy.

He knew that, deep, Bella cared for him more than she showed. She always tried her best to restrain from any manifestation of joy when she was with Cullen. Jacob knew, nevertheless, that he was a clear threat to the bloodsucker, and Edward knew it as well. Leaving her there, after all, had been his choice, he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

But this awareness didn’t help him in any way. Despite the affection, the attraction, Bella wasn’t going to give up on Edward. And this tormented him more than anything. Hadn’t the vampire existed, had he died more than a century before, as it was right for him to, they could have been together, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

He often wondered how it would’ve been; a life more peaceful for both of them, and he wouldn’t have spent his days thinking about her, only about her, often risking a lynching from the pack.

While he was lost in these thoughts, he heard a noise outside his room.

He put his head out the window and smiled, deafened by the uproar of the old pick-up.

 

_[You sneak inside a thought and never let it go]_

“Hey, Bella!” he shouted. The girl smiled. She didn’t have any particular purpose for which to go to La Push, or at least that’s what she thought.

For as soon as she saw Jacob’s face when he saw her, she understood that this was her goal all along. She just wanted for him to be happy, and she realized she was why that happiness couldn’t become true.

She sighed.

“Hi, Jake.” she answered. The boy hugged her, almost suffocating her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I felt like seeing you.” she replied, without thinking about the implications of her words. The smile on the werewolf’s face became wider.

“Good. I felt like seeing you too but, you know, I didn’t want to bother anyone.” she glared at him.

“Since when?” she ironized.

“You’re right. I live to mess things up. I was planning an extermination of all vampires, but you’ve interrupted me.” he joked. Bella’s face got gloomier.

“Why can’t you restrain you hatred? Or at least avoid to show it to me every time we see each other?” she scolded him, and he laughed.

“Can’t help it, I’m a wolf.”

“Being an animal doesn’t justify your vengeful purposes.” she muttered.

“Sure, sure. The topic of bloodsuckers is officially done. Talking about them gives me less pleasure than you think. How about we take a walk to First Beach?” he proposed, and she finally smiled.

“Fine. Let’s take advantage of the fact that today is a little less cold than usual.”

“Is it? It always feels incredibly hot.”

“Can’t help it, you’re a wolf.” she mocked him, than laughing they went toward the beach.

 

“Anything new?” he asked her after they sat on a cliff, the same Bella had dived from months before.

“Nothing at all. Graduation day gets closer. And I become older.” she said, sad. He couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You’re eighteen, Bells. I think you’re the only one in the world who feels old.”

“Right. But not all the eighteen-years-old are with a boy destined to never age. I just hope he’ll decide soon to...” he didn’t let her go on. He stood up, shivering.

“Don’t say it.” he hissed. Bella sighed.

“Jake, I can’t help it. It’s what I want. Being bound to him for all eternity.” Jake couldn’t take it. He snarled, then turned. He got closer to the girl, slowly, and even though Bella felt the danger, she couldn’t be scared of her friend. He showed her his teeth, and her only reaction was a laugh.

“You can’t always lose it, Jake. Sooner or later you have to accept it.” she caressed his snout. “And you could also contemplate the idea that I’ll keep loving you, no matter what race I belong to.” the wolf run quickly behind the trees. When he came back, he was in his human form again.

“I’m sorry.” he murmured, his eyes low. She smiled, tender.

“Doesn’t matter. I know my decision hurts you Jake, but...” he interrupted her.

“It’s not that, Bells. It’s just that I...” he sighed. “I will never grow accustomed to the fact that soon you won’t be human anymore. That your skin won’t be warm, that you won’t blush again... that you won’t be old, awkward Bella”

“But it’s always going to be me.” she whispered; he shook his head.

“I really wish it didn’t make me mad, but no matter how hard I try I can’t.” she hugged him and kissed his cheek. They stared at each other, their faces only a few inches apart.

 

_[I feel you. To the point you bother me. To the point it’s already late.]_

“Stay who you are. Until you’re human, you’re also mine a little bit, Bella.” he murmured. She, with an exasperating slowness, kissed him. Jacob kept still for what seemed a very long time. Then, taken by a rush, he hugged her shoulders, almost hiding her from the world, and under his weight he made her fall with her back against the ground, deepening the kiss. She pulled apart.

“I’m sorry, Jake.” she whispered.

“You don’t have to be.” he said, panting.

“Yes, I do. The fault is all mine, because I’ve always mislead you. You have no idea how much I hate myself for this.”

“You’re the best delusion I’ve ever been allowed. You really shouldn’t stop.” he replied, then he was kissing her again. Devoured by her guilt, she didn’t reject him, but kissed him back, hugging him tighter. When they stopped, both of their breaths were unbelievably fast; neither could understand what had just happened, nor why they had stopped.

Edward’s image hit Bella with a violence that made her groan.

She could never do something that didn’t imply the suffering of one of them. But she was torn in half, warmth on one hand, that gleeful look, childish almost, the infinite affection. On the other, coldness, perfection, the love of her life. She kissed him again, cautious, then stood up.

“I will always belong to you, Jacob. Human or not. Because I’ll still be Isabella Swan. My skin might change, my heart might stop beating, but even if it will be still, a part of it will always be yours. This will never change.”

“I just wish it was the prevailing part.”

“It’s the right half. I could leave it to you, but it wouldn’t be fair to you, me or Edward. I belong to him as much as I belong to you.”

“But you’re going toward him.” he pointed out, sadder than ever.

“He’s the reason why I was born.”

“It’s not like that. He’s the reason why you’re gonna die.”

 _And I couldn’t imagine a sweeter death than by his hand_ she thought, but didn’t say out loud. She caressed his face.

“Tell me what you want, Jake. Tell me if you’ll still be mine.”

“You’re damn selfish, Bella.” he accused her. She nodded.

“Yes, I am. But I couldn’t stand to live without you.” he laughed, bitterly.

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I’m attracted to you. Because I love you. Because you’re irreplaceable. You’ve given me all of you and I... I wanted to give something back.”

“And what for? Do you feel in debt?”

“No. I know all you’ve done for me, you’ve done no strings attached. But it doesn’t change the fact that you did.” she explained. They both sighed, then she started walking.

“You leaving?” he asked, disappointed. She turned, frowning.

“If my presence hurts you this much, perhaps it’s for the best.”

He ran toward her and grabbed her wrist.

“Cut it, Bells. You know how much I love harming myself. And you’re perfect for the job.” he smiled.

“I wish I never had to leave.” she confessed, her eyes low.

“Then don’t.” he proposed, sly. She smiled.

“Yeah, I know you’d like that too, Jacob. More than you should.” she took his hand, and they started walking together. When they arrived back home, she went to the pick-up.

“You’re going to him?” the boy asked.

“No. I just need to leave now, or I’ll risk to never do that. I told you... you have no idea what you set free in me.”

“Oh, I know alright.” he sighed. “But I have to admit you would never be completely happy without him. So... I guess it’s your decision.” he said, sad.

 

_[Stay as long as you want.]_

“See you soon, Jake.” she told him, getting into the car. He smiled.

“Sooner than you think. And... Bella?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll never give up on you. Human or bloodsucker... I will wait for you. And I will fight for you. I wish you won’t hate me for this.” she smiled.

“And I wish you won’t suffer for the choices I’ll make. But I know it’s impossible.”

“We’ll see.” he challenged her, letting her go away with a smile. He went back home, still thinking about her.

She was everything. She loved him. And, right now, he had no use for that love.

He sighed. He was cursed, more than all the Cullen together. Because Edward had played with the only thing that gave him some sense, that made his life whole.

He had given her to him and then he had taken her away.

The hatred blinded him. But he didn’t surrender, his life was devoted to her. And as he lived for her, he was willing to die. Then, at least, he wouldn’t have had any regret.

He laughed, like a madman.

His head filled only with her face and her name.

With his Bella.  


End file.
